Oh how life has changed for me through the years. I went from being that narcissistic, self-centered young woman to a wife and mother with a better perception of what is really important. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that Lukas and I would be blessed with four children.....twin boys (Jacob and Ethan) who were now almost five, a beautiful and very pretentious two and a half year old daughter - Sophia, and a three month old surprise, baby Dylan. Some days seemed never ending with work, running around the kids and taking care of Lukas.
The past six months have been extremely difficult and trying. As I was entering the third trimester of a very easy pregnancy, Lukas started feeling quite ill. He went from being full of energy to being confined to our bedroom. He tried his best to get outside and play with the boys but he just couldn't. At first we thought he was under the weather but after a week he was not getting any better. Even though he went to the doctor and specialists, all the tests came back negative.
I was exactly thirty-seven weeks pregnant when Lukas was admitted to the hospital. He felt this numbness on one side of his face and he couldn't get out of bed. He was smart enough to call the paramedics. Thankfully he didn't have a stroke. Even though I hated hospitals, I knew needed to be with him. I called our nanny, who rushed over to stay with the kids while I went to Lukas.
The nurses helped me find Lukas' room. I was taken aback seeing him hooked up to all types of machines and monitors. I was immediately terrified but did my best to put a smile on my face and blink away the tears that filled my eyes. I walked into the room and kissed him on the cheek.
"How are you feeling?" I asked softly.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't know what's going on with me Elisabeth."
Before I could even respond two doctors walked in. They introduced themselves as Dr. Patel, a middle aged doctor with a friendly smile, and Dr. Brown, a older man who appeared to be in his late 50s with a head full of gray hair. Both men were a part of the Cardiology staff at the hospital.
The two men didn't waste any time telling us that Lukas' heart was not functioning as well as it should. Oxygen wasn't being pumped throughout his body as efficiently, which could be the cause of his extreme tiredness.
Obviously I was quite upset at the prognosis and in one of my not so fine moments bellowed, "Isn't that something you doctors should have checked first? I mean you know he had heart surgery in college.....I don't get why you're only now discovering this."
The doctors tried to calm me down and explained that it seemed that Lukas' primary care doctor and the subsequent specialists conducted endless tests that came back normal. This happens sometimes. They did their best to reassure me that Lukas was in the best place. I nodded and did my best not to emotionally breakdown....that would not been good for Lukas or our unborn child.
After the doctors left I glanced at Lukas lying in the hospital bed...my worst fears brought to life. He looked so weak and pale, a far cry from the Lukas I was used to. All kinds of thoughts swirled through my mind....what if he was taken away from me? How would I survive and raise our family? Lukas was our world. He was such an active dad, always playing with the boys, having tea parties with Sophia and sharing these wonderful, somewhat exaggerated stories about his childhood. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, yet I knew I had to be remain strong and positive.
Now it was just Lukas and me, with monitors beeping all around. I sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand in mine. Looking into his green eyes, still give me butterflies. He squeezed my hand and bravely whispered, "I'm not going anywhere. This is just a temporary setback."