Character List

Saturday, February 18, 2017

I Got this Figured Out?!?

The subsequent days seemed to drag.  Even though I tried my best to be in the moment with my kids, my mind kept floating to Lukas.  One night after I put the kids to sleep I was laying in bed, trying my best to relax when I heard Ethan's little voice asking where his daddy was.  I had told the kids that daddy wasn't feeling well but will be back soon.  Now I wasn't so sure.

I let Ethan crawl into bed with me and hugged him tightly.  My voice quivering as I replied, "Daddy isn't feeling well but he'll be home soon."

"But you said that yesterday.  Why can't we see him?" Ethan whined.

What was I supposed to say?  That I didn't want them to see their dad in a hospital bed?  That I was scared out of my mind about the future?  That I wanted to shield and protect them?  Lukas and I wanted our children to have happy memories of their childhood.  Before I could even come up with a satisfactory response, I felt a sharp pain.  I gasped and clutched my stomach.  I had my 38-week checkup the following day.  After a few deep breaths, I opened my eyes and noticed Ethan staring at me.

He nervously asked, "Are you okay mommy?"

I nodded, "Yes, my love.  The baby is just moving around."

With a small smile he replied, "I want a brother."

"You have Jacob."

"Yeah but Sophia is always making us play with dolls" he shared.

I wrapped him in my arms, "Deep down you know you love playing with dolls."

We both giggle and my mind is transported to my own childhood.  Me bossing my older brothers, John and Danny around, and getting them to play with dolls and calling me princess Elisabeth.  Those carefree days growing up in Long Island.  At times like these I miss my family.  Moving to Greenwich was a decision Lukas and I made together.  I fell in love with this house and the town but now I missed having my family nearby.  

Lukas' parents used to live not too far away but moved to West Palm Beach a year ago.  His sister, Linda, and her husband were in London.  They tried to live in the United States but it just didn't work out.  We spoke regularly and we visited each other at least twice a year.  

Lauren was still estranged from the family.  As much as everyone tried to help her, she didn't want to change and get better.  Even though we did not have the best relationship....who am I kidding, that woman hated me from jump.....I did want her to get better for her own children.  Her daughter Stephanie, was growing into a very loving, ambitious young woman.  She was stunning, yet so self aware and confident.  The type of girl you knew was destined for great things.  Liam, was a boisterous, adventurous preteen boy who love sports and reading.  He was full of such wonderful innocence.  Both Stephanie and Liam were blessed to have a wonderful dad like Gabe who encouraged them to follow their dreams.  Gabe had remarried Marilyn who treated Liam and Stephanie as her own.  Even though they tried Marilyn was unable to have children of her own.  She dedicated her spare time to Gabe's kids.  Even though she'd never take the place of Lauren, she filled a void and gave those kids genuine love.

I knew I needed to talk to someone....maybe Priya or Britney?  They both had families of their own and I felt terrible burdening them with my own issues.  I sighed loudly and decided that after my checkup tomorrow I was going to call my parents and share with them Lukas' medical issues and then I'd call Lukas' parents.  They had a right to know and we needed all the support we could get.

Ethan had now fallen asleep.  I leaned down and kissed the top of his head.  Our kids needed to see Lukas but I was scared.  I made a mental note to call the pediatrician and get his thoughts before even offering to take them to the hospital  For a brief moment, lying in bed, I thought that I had it all figured out.



5 comments:

  1. Oh gosh :( I'm scared about what's going to happen

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  2. Glad you are back!

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  3. Wait, Lauren's husband's name was Jeff throughout the blog, not Gabe? Don't ask me how I remembered that lol. So glad you're back!

    K

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    ReplyDelete